Throughout her candid discussion of gender identity and transformation to herodd behavior -- culminating in a meme-worthy blanket and sunglasses outfit -- she stood out.
What does it feel like to look back on that experience almost four months after it occurred?
"I'm still in this transition phase from reality TV back to real life," she said yesterday at Stetson University, where she appeared as part of Transgender Awareness Week (and where I teach)."I'm having the time of my life."
Audrey on her game play and this season’s twist
Big Brother is "really authentic," Audrey said. "Sometimes you think, Oh, they're rigging that for this person.But a lot is just dumb luck.".He said, "It is completely organic."
I was a fan of the show, butI never watched the feeds, and I, in my heart, believe I would have reacted differently if I had seen the feeds.My excitement over playing made me get straight to work, she told me.
She said specifically, "I would have chilled out.".My first week, before the big blow-up in the have-not room, I got along with everyone.The people I knew liked me well; we had a good working relationship.
Audrey wished that BB17's failed twist lasted longer. "I was wondering where my takeover was the week I was eliminated."."I was a little disappointed that it was cancelled since I actually liked Battle of the Block better," she said.A celebrity appeared..and there were a lot of unexpected twists and turns in the film.I enjoyed playing it from a player perspective even though there is a lot to manage and keep up with.
Audrey's unexpected behavior was what viewers enjoyed, especially on live feeds. "I put the blanket on my head. I think it's hilarious," she told me.Despite being dressed like one of the twins, I randomly popped out of the storage room and sang in the have-not room.I had unpredictable behavior.My passion for these shows is also due to the interest I get from human behavior and how people respond to things.If someone tells a dick joke in a really quiet room or makes them feel uncomfortable, I like to see how they react.For me, it works well.And I am grateful that I took part in it."
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The Author Audrey Middleton ()On July 25, 2015, OddreyM)
Leaving the Big Brother house after being vulnerable
"I had no expectations about how I would feel when I was voted out, but I also didn't have any expectation because I had never done anything like this before." But there's good reason for Audrey's attitude: "When you make yourself completely vulnerable on a platform 24/7, the shock factor is small.".The whole F thing kind of goes out the window."
Having given up all the fucks meant she didn't care any more about doing what most houseguests do: reading online reviews and watching the show so she could see how her fellow houseguests felt about her.
"My personal experience in the house, I kind of knew how everyone felt about me, so I wasn't surprised by anything.".
„When I signed up for the show, I thought, ‘Well, now I'm going to make myself vulnerable to everyone around me.'.And I won't be able to give craps anymore, Audrey told me.
I don't care what other people think of me.I won’t check it out.It didn’t matter to me.Now that I understand how people will judge you, whether or not you're on a platform, I don't mind.Then it's just magnified and it just happens a lot more exclusively."
Being the first transgender houseguest on a show with a past full ofbigotry
During Audrey Middleton's stay on Big Brother she learned of the show's recent history of houseguest bigotry.
As part of the plan, she would reveal her transition on the first day of the house party, when the house guests introduced themselves. .Her reason for declining was that she wanted to appear on the show itself and didn't want to dodge press questions.
My goal was not to limit it to just a few soundbites.The first week, I wanted to have the opportunity to share my story and educate the houseguests. Those moments didn't run on the news feeds, but there were some that did," she said.
It was wonderful to see Audrey warmly welcomed by the cast. "I had no idea what to expect." Audrey said.Being encouraged by everyone made me feel very relieved.Caitlyn Jenner really paved the way for someone like me to follow in her steps and reach such heights.Through most of her transition, she received such a warm reception.The news was slightly surprising and reassuring to her, she told me.
Her response was that the producers did not mention anything to her regarding casting more accepting people this season. "They didn't," she stated.“They can’t because it wouldn’t be fair.You have that expectation in the back of your head, but that is simply real life.Things are always going to happen.So what would be different here?.It is reasonable to expect that the producers will put on a show, they want the most interesting results.
Adding, "So yeah, I expected it but did not fear it or have any concerns because that is just the way it is.".“If I can't handle it on this game show, how can I handle it in normal life?”””
Being authentic in a world full ofjudgement
.This has been really amazing; that's one of the best things I have found after all of this."
The messages aren't just from people working on their own identity, although many are, but also from people coming out as gay or someone who didn't have much confidence themselves.I exemplified courage to come out, but also a special kind of confidence to take the stage and really expose myself.".It's not something people do on a regular basis."We are a highly protected species.
Despite not naming names, Audrey said she had been surprised by reality TV stars who were incompatible with their television personas. “How did you disguise this?””.personality?personality? She asked.
There was no evidence of that then or now.«I didn't conceal much at all.When I was fucking upset, I cried; I threw a fit when I was fucking upset.Those are normal human behaviors.In my vulnerable state, I showed every aspect of who I am.For me, that is confidence."
While Audrey encourages audience members to ask questions, she has also benefited from finding the answers on her own.
“I respect people who seek guidance, but it's reality that we rely on people and experiences to provide answers to all of our questions because that's how we're conditioned to be.“We are not trained to do things for ourselves, figure things out on our own,” Audrey said. “That's why I am where I am.The reason why I am currently who I am is because I did not go to anyone and ask, "What should I believe?"?.When I get out of school, what should I do?.I just did what felt right for me.It is okay to make mistakes and to learn from them.